Bottom-up in a Top-down World

Over my years of parenting, I’ve gleaned a lot of knowledge that has rocked my approach on how to raise children.  Through all the rocking, I’ve been turned up-side-down, and, all of a sudden, it all makes sense. Now, having it click in my mind and getting it down on paper are very different things; however I’ve tried to explain my parenting journey of becoming bottom-up in a top-down world.

Education is a wonderful gift and in the Western culture, educational opportunities are accessible to most. In this educational driven society¹, I believe there is a risk of education being a liability rather than a gift.  How can education be a liability? Education can be a liability when it is the goal rather than a tool. In terms of parenting, when education is the goal, this creates a top-down approach, and in my experience, this not helpful in raising children. Over time, I’ve had to re-train my thinking to include a bottom-up approach to parenting.

There appears to be a high focus on reading, writing and academic success—yes—important educational skills; however are they balanced with compassion, manners, self-control, responsibility, life skills, mental hygiene, basic survival skills, emotional intelligence, art and creativity?

An example: Many parents, myself included, diligently set goals for their children, for example reading and writing. There are flash cards, alphabet posters for the wall and, of course, television programs like Sesame Street throwing letters out every few minutes in an effort to give a head start for children in terms of literacy.  This is great; however are we, as a society focused too much on academic education so other important life skills are overlooked?

Another example is in my post The Anxious Child: Red Brain Green Brain where I discuss the trap I fell into of intelligent parenting while counselling my anxious child. In summary, I focused on the dealing with the problems arising rather than on the emotional wellbeing of my child first and working my way from there.

This could be identified as a top-down approach. A top down approach describes the approach where by little attention is given to details. Rather, one focuses on broad and general information or “the big picture”. ²

In contrast, the bottom up approach is when each detailed component is completed and built on to achieve the ultimate goal.³ An example of a bottom-up parenting is best explained by the diagram below used by Occupational Therapists where a set of visceral skills become the foundation by which eventual academic success is achieved.

Imaged sourced from:  The Sunflower Clinic

Personally, by default, I’m a top-down, goal-orientated person. I’ve found this to be a hindrance in terms of parenting so I’ve had to re-wire the way I do things with my children.  Although the top down approach can be useful for adults and organisations⁴, children are, in essence a ‘blank sheet’ and I’ve come to believe, need the opportunity to build from a foundation level.

Let’s talk Lego for a moment.

Top-down Approach

Bottom-up Approach

The end result is the same, yes. Arguably, the top-down approach is more efficient but is the foundation as strong?  I found it easier starting with the yellow Lego piece (the goal) and then finding the pieces to fit under. Easier, yes, but is the understanding of how the system works as clear? Perhaps the focus on intelligent parenting and education is a reason why common sense is rare.  It’s a question worth asking.

1. Western Culture

2. Top-down definition

3. Bottom-up definition

4.Business and Goal Setting (Top Down Approach)

A huge thank you to Kelly from Be A Fun Mum! I definitely recommend her site to all parents and teachers out there, she comes up with some very amazing ideas and always has some of the best posts. Not to mention a super cute blog roll!